The Classical Conundrum

In the latest string of my "failures" (if you consider not finding someone suitable to live with for the rest of your life a competition/exam) the latest one was entertaining. Here's what happened -

I had been advised by my father that I wasn't to mention my problem (my reluctance about having kids), my weirdness (my propensity towards an in-depth discussion of serious topics like what qualities does the other person look for in a spouse  - in the first call) and asked me to approach the exercise with an open (OPEN he said glaring at me) mind.

And Dear Reader, I DID. I genuinely did. I made myself feel happy about the prospect of speaking to yet another person with overbearing parents who wanted specific servile functions of their son's bride. All requirements were met with overenthusiastic reassurances by my father - yes of course we have bred to produce the most servile servant there could ever be!!!
Anyway I digress. I did feel good and hopeful about the prospective call.

I think I spoke for about 2 hours.
I genuinely think the longer I speak, the more the shy people might want to share, might want to open up, might come up with honest opinions.

And I adhered to all the requests. No mention of deep stuff. I can list off bullet points what I spoke about, and listened to

• Our jobs - location, education, family history
• our relatives
• the languages we knew
• a bit more about our jobs
• our hobbies

Overall I thought the call went okay.
As always I spoke of my unfamiliarity with Tamizh, but I was at peace because this dude's mom specifically wanted a south Indian TamBrahm who spoke Hindi. Jackpot amirite!?!!?
Yeah, I was wrong.

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way meant to offend people. Everyone is entitled to want what they want. I guess the frustration of listening to my father is amplified by the fact that I am stuck inside my house, with no privacy. So yeah, good on the dude for wanting something and knowing outright what might or might not work. If you're reading this - THANK YOU!!

Turns out it was fine that I knew Hindi to speak to my future spouse. BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS POOR RELATIVES?
His relatives would languish at my obvious failure at being able to communicate with them! After all, this guy had to show what an absolute linguist his wife was!!!
 

Let's leave this here, to be unpacked at a later date. As my father rightfully pointed out, of course I could learn another language. Couldn't I do atleast this much to gain the precious precious honor of being a wife?

Now apparently having specific hobbies is also an undesirable trait. As his mother explained in definite terms - her son loved INDIAN classical music. I on the other hand had uttered horrendous and blasphemous things like POP (I knew mentioning Rock would make them shudder. Hell, I am sure they wouldn't even have heard about Metal)

How could her precious son be compatible with a heathen like me? Surely, being a Brahmin implied an innate and undying love for Indian Classical Music? Who would appreciate her son's skills with the Tabla? The whole family was musical (only on the Indian Classical Music front - the dude informed me). I was going to be a blot in the family history of musical cuckoos.

So Tabla was apparently unhappy about my tastes in music. Maybe that would change with time? Surely tastes changed? But no, they finally had to pull in the one solace I would find - Reading

He told his mommy that he liked the Tabla, and I liked reading. Again - who would fawn over his skill with an instrument while I read my books!? He hadn't picked up a book for the pleasure of reading in his life! He just read blogs sometimes (sadly I didn't think my uncultured excuse of a rant page would classify here - none of these people are ever interested in what I think about anything) 

All of these are inexcusable issues with my eligibility. My father sighed and complained to my mother about how my strangeness was making all guys run away. Strong words were had. I was relieved about not having to work too much over this call. The other party had taken a decision before I was forced to make one! It had me secretly wishing that all the people I couldn't vibe with also had stringent requirements for loving Indian Classical Music. We could both deduce what may or may not work immediately and move on.

I had forbidden thoughts that went something alone the line of- maybe , just maybe, I didn't have to work hard to force things to work out. Maybe just being myself was enough for people to weed me out when I didn't meet their requirements. Sure soon my father would ask me to give up my tastes in music, give up reading, give up breathing to get a husband. But until then, this is the strategy that worked with the least amount of arguments, and goddammit I'll stick to this!


Until next time,

DragonRider