Questions, Questions, Questions : Questions to ask the guy while choosing one

Hi there!

So yeah this is going to be one of those posts, where I rant most of the time. I happened to watch some movies where women aren't treated very nice ( All of them seem to be that way). And now that I am home for the weekend, the nagging sounds of horrorscopes and other blah blah were making themselves heard.

While I was able to escape it for now, I know my past sins shall catch up with me. There is no escape.

So here I am writing a small checklist (which is a work in progress, and I am truly counting on my dear readers to give me inputs)  .

Without further ado :

You are trapped. The "meeting" is inevitable. You have to meet, pretend you care and choose one among the many. While you might spend a week in deciding whether that dress you saw on Comm Street was worth buying or not, you will get all of 2 hours or less to decide whether the creature  person you are talking to is worth spending your life with.
One way to do this is pretend to be coy, and look down throughout the interview. If this is your MO, please be ready to have no say in any matter and one day find yourself  married, looking into the face of a demon incarnate.
The other way- well I will let you decide if this is also as lame as the path above.

You invite them for some 'alone time' and sit 3 feet across the person to be tested. You put on your glasses and hold a pad of paper and a pen imperially in your hand. You begin by asking this specimen questions -  nodding condescendingly, remarking "oh really"  or "You don't say" and making conspicuous ticks and crosses on the checklist, in an official manner. This could be called the 'let's get straight to the point shall we?' approach.

Checklist : 
1.   What kind of a wife are you looking for?

a.      Home-maker?

Homely is another word that is used to mean the same thing. Because apparently homely has nothing to do with how you look, it has everything to do with how you keep house while ignoring every other aspect of your life.

b.      Career woman?

This usually means that they will “let” you work, provided all your money goes to the guy or his parents and then cook, clean, and basically do everything.

c.      Independent person?

This usually never comes up. But once in a while someone does get lucky. And by independent I mean someone who can look after the family, but does it out of their own interest. The other party is also expected to chip in and make an equal contribution. And both parties are fine with that. That’s called being an adult.

d.      Slave?

This is the default setting (or used to be). Thankfully you can change this, when you grow old, and have offspring of your own.

       2.       Do you like kids?

This is a subjective question. That’s because you, (the asker) might love kids and love taking care of them. In which case, this is a question you could skip asking. However, if you feel otherwise, you are better off getting this clarified. “like kids” implies the other party likes them enough to stay up late and take care of them, clean up their poop, teach them, make them stop crying etc, etc. If all they like about kids is playing with them, then you are signing yourself up for a long journey of ungrateful yelling, hate, confusion and misery. You won’t even get to have a say in whether you wanted to have the demon in the first place. You could adopt, but most people look down upon it. Happy hunting!

     3.      Do you expect your wife to move, if you decide to switch jobs, or make changes to your life?

If you love travelling, this question might actually help you find someone who moves around a lot, and you get to live in new places! However, if you want to work, and grow in your field then this would actually be a bad thing. Also remember, that you wouldn’t get to choose the place.

     4.      Are your parents going to be staying with us?

Opinions are divided on this one. Some say it’s a great honor to have your in-laws stay with you (I have never met those people). Some say, it’s better to stay independent and live as adults. And while some might say that in-laws help you look after your children, all of these would actually depend on how cool your in-laws really are. Most of them would expect you to cook everyday (goodbye take-out), clean, entertain guests (goodbye lazy Sundays), be up at the crack of dawn, and the list goes on and on and on. Taking care of your child becomes harder when you have them breathing down your neck and judging everything you do. Some of you might want to stay alone and enjoy life on your own terms. So getting this clarified ensures you are both on the same page.

     5.      How often would you contribute around the house?

People tend to lie here. (I would). You ideally want someone who can pitch in, especially when you don’t feel like working around the house. If the other party is also cool with you lounging around the house like a dead weight, then you are in for fun times. Otherwise expect more misery and pain.

     6.      Will I be allowed to visit my parents whenever I want to? Even if your parents say no?

This is a sad question and it’s a shame that it has to be asked. Please ensure that the answer to this is honest. You could try thinking up a scenario and quizzing their actions for those. If you aren’t allowed to see your own parents because the in-laws don’t let you, or because you have a pooja (which you can't even watch, because you are a girl) or because the in-laws are sick so goddamit take care of them (even when your parents require attention and equal care) – well that isn’t a fair deal is it? (I don’t think it is).

     7.      What kind of music/movies/food/insert-common-interest do you like?

This question could be overlooked. To some people, finding common interests could seem impossible. To some, these interests are very important to find some sense of sanity in this whole ridiculous decision. It’s up to you. If you think that listening to rap music is a deal breaker then go ahead and break that deal!

That’s it for now folks! These were some of the questions that I could think of on short notice (long term writing goals be damned). Do let me know other questions that you would like to ask. Let’s expand the database and look out for each other!

Until then,

Do wait for the subtle version of getting away with asking such questions. There ought to be a more discreet way than marking a paper with questions on them. 

DragonRider