How to clean an aquarium
Disclaimer : The post below is in no way the proper / appropriate way to actually clean an aquarium. No fish were harmed in the making of this post (my father did most of the heavy lifting). While his attempts were admirable, they were in no way efficient.
Hi!
Today I was woken up by my dad dragging the sheets off me, and ordering me to get all the equipment in place for the large task at hand - cleaning the aquarium. For the previous sessions of health and hygiene I sadly wasn't available (read - college baby!) but fate had other plans for me !
Without further ado I present to you the steps one could take to clean out your finned companions environment -
Step 1. Decide to clean the huge glass tank
Step 2. Siphon out half the water from the aquarium. Stir the uneaten food and debris at the bottom of the aquarium while you are at it, thereby convincing it's occupants that you are stirring up food and not their own poop.
Step 3. Fill some of the remaining aquarium water into a tiny bucket, because you are out of buckets to keep your fish in.
Step 4. Take the net and try trapping your blind fish in it, who suddenly cry out "Freedom is mine!" and desperately try to avoid said net, hurting themselves in the process.
Step 5. Take out one fish (now wiggling a lot), and get absolutely drenched in the poopy aquarium water while doing so.
Step 6. Deposit said fish into tiny bucket.
Step 7. Turn around to take out the next fish from aquarium, and then realize the one in the tiny bucket is trying to achieve freedom from life itself by jumping out.
Step 8. Cover the tiny bucket with a heavy board.
Step 9. Take out the next fish (who proceeds to splash water right up to the ceiling) which fights doubly hard to stay free.
Step 10. Repeat step 6, and cover the bucket again.
Step 11. Start washing out the filter, the fake plants that float around (because the fish keep getting offended and pulling them out), and the stones that get shoved around the bottom of the tank (because the fish think the stones are in their space)
Step 12. Clean the whole tank with a wet cloth, then some tissue paper.
Step 13. Rearrange all the stuff inside the aquarium hoping that this time they will all stay in the same place.
Step 14. Pour clean water in and ensure temperature is optimum.
Step 15. Slowly lower the net in the tiny bucket and get a faceful of dirty aquarium water once again. Manage to trap one fish.
Step 16. Cover the net and lower it into the aquarium. Your efforts are in vain as you get soaked again.
Step 17. Repeat Step 15 & 16 for the next fish (who has wedged itself to the bottom of the bucket and looks like it's contemplating suicide)
Step 18. Put some food in, because these souls are tormented and traumatized and nothing says love more than "Hey sorry about that! Now here's some Food!!"
Step 19. Watch them eat and ignore you while they swim around and live on.
Step 20. Sigh and thank the Gods that the water needn't be changed very often.
Although this task seems daunting, it was quite entertaining! (And there, all my optimism for the day has drained. The cup is empty. Yay) Seriously, all I want to do is sleep now.
See you folks soon?
DragonRider
Hi!
Today I was woken up by my dad dragging the sheets off me, and ordering me to get all the equipment in place for the large task at hand - cleaning the aquarium. For the previous sessions of health and hygiene I sadly wasn't available (read - college baby!) but fate had other plans for me !
Without further ado I present to you the steps one could take to clean out your finned companions environment -
Step 1. Decide to clean the huge glass tank
Step 2. Siphon out half the water from the aquarium. Stir the uneaten food and debris at the bottom of the aquarium while you are at it, thereby convincing it's occupants that you are stirring up food and not their own poop.
Step 3. Fill some of the remaining aquarium water into a tiny bucket, because you are out of buckets to keep your fish in.
Step 4. Take the net and try trapping your blind fish in it, who suddenly cry out "Freedom is mine!" and desperately try to avoid said net, hurting themselves in the process.
Step 5. Take out one fish (now wiggling a lot), and get absolutely drenched in the poopy aquarium water while doing so.
Step 6. Deposit said fish into tiny bucket.
Step 7. Turn around to take out the next fish from aquarium, and then realize the one in the tiny bucket is trying to achieve freedom from life itself by jumping out.
Step 8. Cover the tiny bucket with a heavy board.
Step 9. Take out the next fish (who proceeds to splash water right up to the ceiling) which fights doubly hard to stay free.
Step 10. Repeat step 6, and cover the bucket again.
Step 11. Start washing out the filter, the fake plants that float around (because the fish keep getting offended and pulling them out), and the stones that get shoved around the bottom of the tank (because the fish think the stones are in their space)
Step 12. Clean the whole tank with a wet cloth, then some tissue paper.
Step 13. Rearrange all the stuff inside the aquarium hoping that this time they will all stay in the same place.
Step 14. Pour clean water in and ensure temperature is optimum.
Step 15. Slowly lower the net in the tiny bucket and get a faceful of dirty aquarium water once again. Manage to trap one fish.
Step 16. Cover the net and lower it into the aquarium. Your efforts are in vain as you get soaked again.
Step 17. Repeat Step 15 & 16 for the next fish (who has wedged itself to the bottom of the bucket and looks like it's contemplating suicide)
Step 18. Put some food in, because these souls are tormented and traumatized and nothing says love more than "Hey sorry about that! Now here's some Food!!"
Step 19. Watch them eat and ignore you while they swim around and live on.
Step 20. Sigh and thank the Gods that the water needn't be changed very often.
Although this task seems daunting, it was quite entertaining! (And there, all my optimism for the day has drained. The cup is empty. Yay) Seriously, all I want to do is sleep now.
See you folks soon?
DragonRider
Comments