Types of Cows: Part 1


My friend Bala very aptly said one day - "The Marriage mania has begun. Let us have a look at the survivors for next year!"

You might wonder, what does the title of this post and the bovine creature referenced have anything to do with marriage. Well fear not. I am right here to guide you through it.

It was almost a year back, when I, Confidante (sorry C), and P were sitting together for dinner. It was a rare occasion, and we decided to make the most of it, by laughing raucously, making loud bawdy jokes, talking about the injustices this world has to offer us. (Ok, most of the laughing and being a public nuisance stuff was done by me)

While discussing said injustices, we chanced upon the topic of the Indian bride. I kept wondering on and off about whether I should write about it, given the sensitive nature of the matter at hand, and the mostly offensive stuff that I had said that day. But I realized, you only live once! And the internet will live on forever. That being said, people who are easily offended are strongly advised to not proceed.

DISCLAIMER: If you are one of those people who get's offended by anything remotely attacking your beliefs and values, don't read this. This post has been written with no harmful intent and for entertainment purposes only. Any harm/offense caused is unintentional and should be treated as such.

The Indian Bride, ladies and gentlemen -  is a weird object. Calling it a person would be an insult to humankind. The best word to describe one is Cow. The Holy Cow, so beloved. So misunderstood! So divine. This is the perfect object to describe (it isn't an animal either. It is the sacred cow) the bride. How?

Let me start with one scenario:

The girl is perfect in every sense of the word. She is very (very) optimistic about the whole idea of romance. She couldn't find a guy? Her parents would find the perfect soulmate! Any guy who she ends up with just has to be her soulmate. There's just no other way! She hasn't talked to the guy more than twice? It doesn't matter! He will be an awesome human being! He will be perfect. If she does meet someone she will assume this is the best option there is, and there is nothing better and ohmygodwherewereyouallmylifetruelovewords!

Dear reader - this is the Idealistic Cow.

This Cow will believe the best of everything. If the guy has a large family she will be glad there are so many adults to look after her. If the guy has a small family she will be glad to start out life on her own. If the guy is a teetotaler he is the perfect guy. If he drinks, smokes, murders people - he is the most cool guy she has ever met. If the guy lied about his previous relationships, he was still getting over the other girl. If he lists out a whole list of girlfriends, he was just looking for the perfect one! If the guy will not compromise on the "gifting" (read dowry), he is traditional. If he is extremely religious and believes in strictly following customs and rituals, he is pious and kind. (no idea how did the word kind end up here).

You get the idea? She will believe everything is the most awesome, amazing thing ever. She will expect things of the poor dude. She will think he believes that she is the perfect soulmate. She comes with a lot of pressure. If things don't work out- what??? they are going to work. There's just no other way. Its as true as the sun rising in the east. She believes, and trusts absolute strangers. She wouldn't even entertain second thoughts. She has stars in her eyes, and fog in her brain. She would accept any atrocity no matter how ridiculous, just because she thinks that what her tradition demands of it.

Her mom-in-law being overly controlling? She isn't allowed to wear what she wants or speak her mind or make major decisions? It is all acceptable, because she feels it's right, and that she was being too arrogant or impractical. Maybe the idealistic cows around you are not this over the top, but you see them making compromise after compromise in the way they spend their life, and justify it all in the name of family peace, harmony, tradition and other irrational things.

In a way, the other cows must feel envious of the idealistic cow. Her husband is happy (or not) that he got a subservient cow who would never ever question his manliness. The in-laws are happy because they got a subservient cow who would be their personal slave until death, and who would never rebel. The parents would be happy because they brainwashed their cow well. The cow herself would be happy because she truly believes that whatever is being imposed upon her is the most right thing in this universe. It doesn't get more pneumatic than this in my opinion.

More cows to come!
Until the next moooo -


So we're moving from confident debutante to confidante now? :P
The sarcasm is spot on-take a bow!

Idealistic.. What next? Timid? Is there such a thing as rebellious? How about nonchalant? Giving you a few ideas here.. :D
Dragon Rider said…
Yeah, you can only be a debutante once - after that you settle down and let the other flowers debut :p
Next? Will consider your inputs! Let me see what else could I add :p
Chella said…
Why won't you guys just leave the debutante stuff?!?! I just remember talking about 2 types of cows - Idealistic and Realistic! Glad to know there are many more available :P Anyway the idealistic cow reminds me of the "appeal to belief" logical fallacy. Remember Emmet from the Lego Movie? Here's a link to refresh your memory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG0clQXW9BA&list=PLUenZKcJjfJbcbtB6OxgKw5Q0cL7niIQk&index=4
Dragon Rider said…
Because the debutante is fun! Yeah, I felt like we also had to cover the cow who wasn't so realistic or idealistic. Middle ground!!!
Now that song is stuck in my head. :/ I never thought about it this way though. Good point!

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